The clock just struck 12 2 hrs and 47 minutes ago, and I'm here updating my blog finally, in the new year. So many things that I wish to say, but firstly, Happy New Year to all. 2010 is finally here and I'm sure it'll be a blast. Bon voyage to chubbo who just flew off for her exchange! Have a great time over there and 6 Shot will definately expect more than postcards! hahah.

Much has transpired since my last posting. Exams have been over for more than a month now. Got my results a few days back. Honestly, I feel like giving up. Its times like this when I feel that even though I've given my best, my best is still not sufficient. I've always been a fighter, but I'm tired, seriously tired. I'm tired of not meeting expectations, I'm tired of putting in the hours but not achieving the results and I'm tired of being such a disappointment to the people around me. Compensation and Benefits was a major shocker. It was a module that I had absolute confidence in but it turns out I only had a meagre B. My entire group got screwed too. Hope the meet up with Quazi will help.

Went back to SPRING earlier today as well. I hope I left an impression which will bode well for my relationship with the management there. Actually, I wasnt consciously trying to be outstanding. Having fun while doing stuff really puts less of a strain on the actual activity itself. I had a fun time there mambo-ing and just letting loose. Its been awhile. Thanks Vanessa, Justin and the rest for being such sports! =)

Filming has stopped temporarily and shall resume in about 6 days time. Final challenge before the first elimination. I have mixed feelings about this. To stay on or not to? Decisions decisions. Has my exposure been enough to help me embark on my modelling career? Or an early exit might be bad publicity? anyhoo, do catch me doing extremely funny and fun stuff on Channel U, U Are The Man, airing on 12th jan 2010, at 8pm and 12am! I've surfed, endured extreme temperatures, danced alone in the public, caught geckos, dug though mealworms, dressed a random stranger, etc, pics on my fb, too lazy to dl and then upload! =p. It will be a good show! =)got to know alot of new friends through the show as well! you guys are awesome, every single one of you! =)... its not a voting show so I'm not gg to pull votes here! hahah... and my photoshoot will be coming out on 8days and I weekly on the 4th of jan! woohoo! cant wait to see the pics! The sample pic sent was awesome! Thanks for being such a great art director ryan! =)... another photoshoot done was for Nu You(i think) valentine's day issue. That will be coming out in Feb. My co-model, Kit was extremely professional! She's so young somemore but looked awesome in the shots. Great work gal! Hopefully things are getting sorted out in your life right now! =)

Its a wonder how sometimes you can be brought to the highest of high and then at the next moment, on your knees, in self doubt. I honestly don't know what to do. Am I going to repeat my mistakes, if they were even mistakes at all in the first place. That's just who I am. Why must I become a bastard? I cant bring myself to. I've tired and I think someone got hurt in the process and that felt like shit. I cant live with myself like that. Am i destined to always make the wrong choices? Its perplexing. It feels like crap. Maybe living in a dillusion would be better. Maybe lying to myself will be better. maybe, just maybe. They say that the power of a relationship lies in the person who cares less, but I say that power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less.

So much for a happy new year huh? Oh well, till the next time i update. Studying on new year's day can you believe it...

Desmond blogged on 2:46 AM

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